


Otherside

by vegetablebirb



Series: Vibe With Me [1]
Category: FFC-Acrush (Band), Fanxy Red (Band), QCYN2, THE9 (Band), youth with you 2, 青春有你2
Genre: Character Death, F/F, Kinda Sad NGL, My Baby Bright, based on a bb cream ad, ghost au, i sh!t you not, omg did i actually write angsty for once, warning: there is a mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:40:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25225480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vegetablebirb/pseuds/vegetablebirb
Summary: So every night I hope // I see you on the other side (eaJ - Otherside)Sometimes you have to have things come back, before you can let them go.
Relationships: Lin Fan/Lu Keran
Series: Vibe With Me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827532
Comments: 9
Kudos: 23





	Otherside

**Author's Note:**

> Title is inspired by eaJ's song "Otherside"[ [Hear it here]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJkKiGvLPSM)  
> Plot is based on Krist and Singto's "My Baby Bright" [[Watch it here with subs]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEE7S1Wnre4)  
> Visual inspo from [this tweet](https://twitter.com/keranpretty/status/1266472052518772737?s=20)

Keran stared at her book. The words swirled together in her sleepy brain and she groaned, setting the novel down reluctantly. Even the goldfish in the bowl seemed to swim more sluggishly nowadays.

“Do you miss her too?” Keran asked the goldfish.

No answer.

“Well, I definitely miss her,” Keran said in response to her own question.

“Miss who?” the familiar voice asked from behind her.

Keran fell off her chair.

She stared in wide-eyed surprise up at Lin Fan’s figure hovering over her with a look of concern.

Keran gulped before finding her voice.

“You- you’re supposed to be dead though! The accident...I literally saw your dead body at the funeral!”

Lin Fan shrugged and Keran noticed how her form shifted slightly, as if a projection glitching.

“Yeah, I guess I’m a ghost.”

Keran blinked, “Oh.”

She scratched her head and picked herself up off the floor. “Well don’t you have any ghostly stuff to do, like hang out in the afterlife or getting reincarnated?”

Lin Fan sighed and threw herself dramatically onto the couch, “Yes, but I can’t seem to figure out why I’m still tethered to the mortal world. They wouldn’t let me queue in line to get into the afterlife.”

She grinned cheekily at Keran, “So I guess I’ll be staying here for a while now.”

Keran’s brow furrowed as she did some mental calculations.

“Hold on a sec, it’s been a week.”

Lin Fan nodded in affirmation.

“Yeah, it was crazy as hell too. I even went to my own funeral. By the way, you look _really_ ugly when you cry.”

“And you’ve been barred from the afterlife for a whole week,” Keran’s voice was just a step away from being a shout and she was absolutely seething. “And _now_ you come to show yourself in front of me?”

Lin Fan just shrugged.

“What the hell? I’ve been wearing mourning clothes! I was _grieving,_ Lin Fan!”

Lin Fan stuck her tongue out, “You always wear black anyways. What’s the difference?”

If Lin Fan wasn’t already dead, Keran could’ve killed her right there.

Keran hurled a pillow at her friend. But Lin Fan just blurred out of focus and the pillow sailed right through her torso, landing behind her with an unsatisfying plop.

Keran crossed her arms with a huff. She harshly blew a strand of her hair out of her face.

“What are you doing back here anyways? Did they tell you why you were being barred?”

Lin Fan rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

“The big guys upstairs said something about resolving my regrets, but nothing really in particular.”

Her expression brightened, “Wait! I know!”

She rifled around the room a bit and emerged with pen and paper in hand.

“I’ll make a list of all the things I wanted to do right before my death.”

“Like a bucket list?”

“Yeah, I guess more or less.”

Lin Fan began chicken-scratching out a list of pretty insignificant (at least in Keran’s opinion) stuff she had wanted to do before the accident happened.

Lin Fan had about three items on the list and began to write a fourth, but scratched the line out with the pen before she finished.

“That’s it?”

Lin Fan shrugged, “I’m not a super deep person.”

Lin Fan set the omurice down in front of Keran. It steamed slightly as Lin Fan took the ketchup bottle and drew a sh!tty smiley face on top of it.

“Dig in,” she said. And Keran did.

The egg was cooked just right, not too tender and not over cooked either. The sweet tang of the ketchup blended with the saltiness of the seasoned rice pleasantly. And before Keran knew it, she had finished the omurice.

Keran blinked and sat back in her chair. Both of them stared at the empty plate, slightly stunned. It was completely cleaned save for the barest smear of ketchup.

Keran finally found her voice.

“I guess...I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed your cooking.”

Lin Fan rested her elbows on the table and propped her face up between her hands.

“Yeah, sorry. I just...I would always try out new recipes before cooking them for you. And I just perfected my method for making omurice before...you know. So I guess...”

The light in the kitchen seemed to dim slightly.

Keran didn’t know Lin Fan had practiced cooking for her. Whenever she whined about being hungry, Lin Fan would just whip together a fresh new recipe that would make Keran’s taste buds sing with happiness for days. She stored away the information in the space she had set aside in her heart for Lin Fan.

~~**1\. Make omurice for Keran** ~~

Keran counted the dull tokens in the palm of her hand.

Lin Fan was running around the arcade like a heathen, exclaiming loudly and pressing her face up against the machines. Keran didn’t say anything about it though. No one else could see or hear her anyways.

It was late, there was hardly anyone else around, and the kid manning the prize counter looked half asleep on his feet. So Keran and Linfan battled each other is various shooty games, racing games, dance dance revolution, and pretty much anything else the arcade could offer without giving away Lin Fan’s presence.

(Lin Fan had wanted to play air hockey too, but Keran was very firm about not looking like a lunatic playing by herself.)

After they had worn out the other games, they still had a few more tokens left to spend and so Keran decided to try her luck at the claw machines.

Within a few short minutes, she was down to her last token. Keran groaned with frustration as the plushie slipped from the shiny claws for the nth time.

Lin Fan looked on with amusement.

Keran glared at the plushies smiling cheekily at her through the glass.

“Should I just give up?”

“Play it one more time, I have a feeling you’ll get it this time.”

Keran groaned and let the machine take her last token.

She toggled the joystick and guided the claw over to the bread plushie she’d been trying to pick up. Keran hit the down button and the claw made its descent. It looked like the claw had gotten a firm grasp on the plushie, but when it drew back up it seemed to lose its grip. What a scam.

Then, to Keran’s astonishment, the plush rose up with the claw and dropped into the prize chute. Keran excitedly pushed it open and pulled the bread plush out. She turned around to show Lin Fan, only to realize her ghostly friend was absent.

After a few seconds, Lin Fan flickered back into view. She smiled when she saw the plushie Keran was squeezing to her chest.

“Where were you?”

Lin Fan shrugged, “Had to use the restroom.”

“You’re a ghost! You don’t use the restroom.”

Lin Fan raised an eyebrow.

“How would you know? You’re not a ghost.”

Keran giggled. And with a start, she realized it was the first time she’d laughed since Lin Fan’s accident.

“Lin Fan, did you do that?” Keran gestured to the claw machine then to the plushie in her arms.

The ghost shrugged and stuck her hands into her pockets.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

~~**2\. Win a plushie for Keran at the arcade** ~~

Lin Fan looked deep into Keran’s eyes. “I think it’s time for the last item on my bucket list.”

Keran shrugged, trying not to think of Lin Fan leaving once they checked the last thing off the list. Plus, she wasn’t the biggest fan of the last one.

“Should we take this to the bedroom?”

And so they did.

Lin Fan moaned loud and drawn out, her head thrown back with pleasure. Her thighs tensed under Keran’s hands.

“Sh!t,” Lin Fan gasped out. “That feels so good.”

Keran held back a sharp remark and continued to massage her friend’s legs.

~~**3\. Get a massage from Keran** ~~

“Why do all your dying wishes seem to involve me?”

They were both lying on their own beds, lights switched off, staring up at the ceiling and puzzling over why Lin Fan still wasn’t able to pass onto the afterlife.

“I don’t know,” Lin Fan said thoughtfully and crossed her arms behind her head. “I guess you’re just always on my mind.”

Keran could hear the teasing in Lin Fan’s voice, but felt her own cheeks burn traitorously. Keran wished she were bold enough to tell Lin Fan that she was on her mind too; not in a joking way.

But the last thing she needed was for the ghost to catch wind of her unreciprocated feelings and feel bad enough to have one more problem keeping her from moving on to the afterlife.

So Keran held her tongue.

She rustled and flopped onto her side to peer at Lin Fan across the bedroom.

“Well, did you make any big promises with someone? That could be what’s keeping you from the afterlife.”

Lin Fan hummed, thinking carefully. She sat up suddenly.

“Didn’t I promise you I’d go with you to auditions until you got into a company?”

Keran sluggishly followed the suite and pulled herself up into a sitting position.

“So you can continue peacefully on with your death when I get into a company?”

She saw Lin Fan nod excitedly.

Keran flopped back down in her bed.

“Let’s think through this more in the morning.”

After a few weeks of countless auditions, Keran felt ready to give up. She woke up every morning to new emails in her inbox informing her the company “would not be moving forward with her application during this time”. A bit of her died each time she received one of those emails.

Despite the frustrating circumstances, Keran was just glad to have Lin Fan back. As Lin Fan’s stay in the mortal world grew, some semblance of normalcy had returned to Keran’s life. Things were fun again, food for delicious, and the fish in the bowl was happy too.

Keran had no idea why Lin Fan was inclined to think this particular company was any different. But Lin Fan insisted TOV Entertainment would be the one to take Keran in.

It was a pretty small company, a relatively new label too. A handful of trainees under the company, a couple of really talented producers, and one kind-hearted CEO. Honestly, Keran got no special feelings from this company like Lin Fan seemed to get. But she was willing to shoot her shot.

Keran’s feet halted at the company’s front entrance. She gripped her application tightly in her shaky hands. She glanced to Lin Fan’s flickering form to her right. Lin Fan smiled reassuringly back at her, and Keran felt something catch in her throat.

Keran took a deep breath, and walked through the door.

Lin Fan would be there, as she always was. Not visible (because she claimed her good looks would distract Keran) but it was enough for Keran just knowing she was there.

Her audition was a blur. She remembered dancing, rapping, then singing. Dancing some more. Rapping again. Rapping while dancing. Singing while dancing. And freestyling a bit. Someone had given her a short interview. And then Keran was free to return home, told that she’d be contacted if the company decided to take her in.

Keran exited the building and exhaled a sigh of relief.

“Do you think you got it?”

Lin Fan asked, flickering back into view.

Keran shrugged, a toothy smile spreading itself across her face.

“I really don’t know, but I just feel really great.”

Lin Fan smiled, and Keran’s day became a hundred times brighter.

Just as abruptly she had reappeared in Keran’s life, Lin Fan disappeared once more.

At first, Keran didn’t think much about it. When Lin Fan had come back to the apartment, she would sometimes disappear for a day or two to do...god knows what.

But almost five days had passed without Lin Fan returning. Keran would come back from practice to a quiet and disappointingly empty home. She would be listening to music while doing her assignments and when a good song came on shuffle, she would turn to tell Lin Fan. Only to be met with more stifling silence.

Keran ended up getting into TOV Entertainment, but she had no one to tell. No one to get excited with her. No one to celebrate with. Keran tried to be happy. If Lin Fan was gone, that meant she was able to move onto the afterlife then. Right?

Under it all though, Keran was slowly dying on the inside. She was relapsing back into the state she had fallen into right after Lin Fan’s funeral. She was doing her best to pull herself together. She really was.

But some days, you just feel bad for no real reason. You just wake up to a sense of wrongness hovering over your existence like a storm cloud ready rain on your already ruined parade.

Whenever Keran had one of those days, she would lock herself into an empty studio and dance until she tired herself out. Sometimes she’d finish the day feeling refreshed, and treat herself to something sweet from the bakery on her way home.

Other days, she’d wind up feeling worse.

This was one of those days. The storm cloud over her mind brewed darker and darker as Keran practiced. And she stopped dancing after she’d gotten a step _so_ wrong, she tripped and fell to the wooden floors of the practice room with a painful crash.

Keran stayed lying on the floor in the position she fell into for a moment. Then she flopped onto her back. She’d kept the overhead lights off today, instead opting to plug in the string of LEDs the dance instructor had strung up along the perimeter of the ceiling for “ambiance”.

Frustration brewed deep within her, dangerous and angry. The tiny lights above blurred in her vision. Keran flew to her feet and stormed home, refusing to let the tears fall.

The light was already on when Keran threw the door open. Keran blinked rapidly at the sudden influx of brightness her eyes were receiving. Had she left the lights on the entire day? She furrowed her brows. What a great waste of the electric bill.

Keran sighed and went to hunt through the fridge for something to eat. She emerged with a yogurt that was two days away from expiration and twirled around to grab a spoon.

She froze. The single bowl was drying on the dishrack, cleaned. Keran was 1000% sure she wasn’t the one who washed it because she specifically remembered having an unnecessarily intense debate with herself that morning about leaving the oatmeal to dry and cement itself to the side of the bowl before just leaving it in the sink.

And yet, there the bowl was. All clean in the drying rack. There could only be one explanation. Keran slammed her yogurt down on the counter.

“Hey, Lin Fan.”

No answer. No Lin Fan flickering into view.

“I know you’re there, okay?” Keran continued, her voice beginning to raise. “Can you please just come out?”

Still no response.

Something inside her, a well-worn rope hanging onto it’s last fiber, finally snapped. Keran tore through the small apartment like a mad woman, shouting Lin Fan’s name. The neighbors might call the front desk and they would think she’s crazy.

Keran ran a shaking hand through her hair. Maybe she was crazy.

“Alright, you win.” Her voice trembled. “If you won’t come to me, I’ll go to you.”

She yanked the front door open and dashed up to the roof. Keran gulped in the fresh air in pants, out of breath from her sprint up the stairs. She began to march purposefully over to the edge.

“Keran.”

She turned around. Lin Fan’s form flickered and glowed softly in the dark environment. Keran waited for an explanation. But what she got were more questions.

“How did you know?” Lin Fan asked, “How did you know for sure?”

Keran’s teeth dug into her bottom lip with frustration.

“How could I not know?!” She practically screamed. “Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

Tears streaked down her cheeks, and from what? Anger? Sadness? Hysteria? Maybe a mixture of all three.

“The dishes are always washed, my clothes are always hung up, the floor is always swept.” Her voice broke, thinking of the messy state of the apartment after Lin Fan had passed. “I’m too much of a slob for the place to look that tidy.”

Lin Fan twiddled her thumbs.

“And you? Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Lin Fan stayed silent.

“How co- how can you just come back and then leave me so suddenly again? I literally miss you so much, Lin Fan. Why did you leave me alone again?”

Lin Fan swallowed audibly.

“The day of the car accident, I was on my way to see you- “

“Are you seriously blaming your death on me right now?!”

“No! I- will you just listen?”

Lin Fan wrung her hands in mild distress.

“I was on my way to see you because I was going to confess.”

Keran’s heart sputtered to a pause. Then picked the pace back up tenfold. Her crying momentarily died down to soft hiccups for air.

“I was in love with my best friend. It was a secret I kept buried in the deepest part of my heart.”

Lin Fan smiled softly at her. And Keran felt all the fight drain out of her.

“That was my last regret. The reason why I’m barred from the afterlife. Because I was so devastated during my final breath I never got to tell you how I felt.”

Lin Fan scratched the back of her head and Keran’s heart screamed with agony at the familiarity of the gesture. The water works started back up, and Keran dabbed at her eyes in vain.

“I think I knew it in the back of my mind this whole time. But I guess I just wanted some more time with you.”

Keran was full on bawling now. Her fragile eggshell of a heart felt like it had been cracked open and all the feelings were rushing out. Everything that was. Everything that wasn’t. Everything that could’ve been. Everything that was no longer possible.

“Lin Fan-” Keran choked on her own sobs. She reached out to Lin Fan’s flickering figure, wanting nothing more in that very moment to hug her friend one last time.

Keran threw her arms around Lin Fan. And Lin Fan let her. Keran held on so tight, overwhelmed with both happiness and loss, feeling her attachment to her deceased love right down to her very soul.

Lin Fan hugged her back, savoring this last gesture of affection she would receive from Keran in a very long time. She smiled serenely, flickered slightly, and disappeared.

Keran was left holding onto empty air. She swallowed with difficulty, and let her arms fall to her sides. It was as if someone had dug a large chuck out of her, leaving a massive Lin-Fan shaped hole in Keran’s being.

“I’m in love with you too,” she whispered into the air, like it was a secret for only the wind to hear. Keran clenched her fists, nothing left for her hands to hold.

“Say what now?” the familiar voice piped up from behind her.

Keran whirled around. Lin Fan grinned crookedly; a warm smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“There’s a line up there right now, it’ll be a few minutes.”

Lin Fan cocked her head, teasing glimmer in her eyes.

“So what was that just now?”

Keran scowled and did her best to wipe the tears off her face. She squared her shoulders and turned to face the ghost.

“Lin Fan,” Keran swallowed, the words weighing heavily on both her tongue and her heart. “I love you.”

Both of them smiled forlornly at one another.

“Isn’t it too late to say that?” Lin Fan asked, form slowly dissolving.

The corners of Keran’s eyes pricked painfully.

“Far too late,” she replied hoarsely.

“Well, better late than never.” Lin Fan’s voice was fading now too. "Live life well for me, Keran. See you on the other side."

Before she completely disappeared, Lin Fan stepped forward. And the last thing Keran felt was the ghostly brush of lips over her own cheek before Lin Fan vanished from Keran’s life for the final time.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is just a lil writing exercise before i take some time off the weekly posting schedule to focus on the fic fest stuff  
> Although the story is a bit sad, i hope you guys will still enjoy it 💖  
> ~ iwi


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